and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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