What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
