Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
