Umm I'm too high to move.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
