As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
