Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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