Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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