His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
