i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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