Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
