She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
