Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
