oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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