i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
