You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
