Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
