Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
