I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
