I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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