omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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