More tranny stories later!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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