i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
