He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
