How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
