i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
