Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
