Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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