So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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