Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
