3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
