I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
