Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Everclear isn't food dammit
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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