remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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