I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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