My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
