Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
