I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
