I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
