All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
