And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
