the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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