Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
