Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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