This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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