My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
