Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
