Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
