So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will be naked everywhere
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
