I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
