Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
