i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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