I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
