We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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