I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
