Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
