i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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